9 Brilliant Ways To Help Your Very Shy Toddler

This post is all about how to help a very shy toddler.

Do you have a funny and playful toddler at home, but then a very shy toddler everywhere else? If so, then your toddler is similar to my son, Jackson.

The good news is that it’s normal for toddlers to experience shyness, and it’s not a problem by itself. Shy toddlers can still grow to have happy lives and make good friends. But, if you’re anything like me, you still want to find ways to help your toddler learn how to warm up when they are shy.

Sometimes people also call shyness “slow-to-warm-up.” Some kids need some time to warm up to something new, and then their personality comes out once they are comfortable.

Many toddlers outgrow their shyness as they get older. Even if they don’t outgrow it, there are things you can do to help them gain confidence and learn how to be comfortable in new situations.

This post will teach you many different ways to support your very shy toddler.

*** Disclaimer: I am not a medical professional, and this post should not be taken as medical advice. These are my own experiences and opinions as a parent. Please see professional help if you feel it’s needed.

Toddler Shyness vs. Anxiety

It’s important to be sure that the signs you’re seeing in your toddler are shyness, and not a form of social or stranger anxiety. It’s difficult to know if your toddler is shy or has anxiety without knowing the signs of each.

A very shy toddler can also act anxious in some settings, so you need to be able to recognize the differences. Below are some basic differences between the two. You may want to speak with a medical professional if you are concerned that your toddler has anxiety.

Reasons You May Have A Very Shy Toddler

There are different reasons why toddlers may be shy. Even though shyness isn’t a problem by itself, it can still be helpful to understand the possible reasons for your toddler’s shyness.

Social And Emotional Development

Toddlerhood is a period of significant growth for social and emotional development. This refers to learning how to interact with others, regulate your own emotions, and explore new environments. You may have a very shy toddler because they are still learning how to engage in social interactions and manage their emotions.

Toddlers have learned that they are individuals and have more emotions, but are still learning what their emotions are and how to handle them. They may get nervous or embarrassed, but they still need to learn how to identify those emotions and what to do when they experience those feelings. This can be especially difficult when they are in a new environment or around unfamiliar people.

Kids at this age have less experience than older kids in interacting with new people and exploring new environments. They still need to learn what to do when someone they don’t know is talking to them or what to do if a kid they are playing with takes their toy.

Most toddlers grow out of their shyness as their social and emotional skills develop. It takes time and practice.

Temperament

Temperament is a child’s natural reaction to emotions and situations. Most kids fall into one of three categories: the easy child, the slow-to-warm-up or shy child, and the challenging child.

Kids who have an easy temperament naturally adjust easily to new environments and new people. Those with a challenging temperament often react strongly to different situations, showing more tantrums and negative behaviors.

A very shy toddler may have a slow-to-warm-up temperament. Children with this temperament may struggle when they meet new people or enter new environments. They’re naturally shy or hesitant. As they become more familiar, they usually warm up more quickly.

My son’s a very shy toddler who has a slow-to-warm-up temperament. The first time we took him to a splash pad, he stood at the edge for about 30 minutes and watched the other kids playing. After that, he was willing to venture closer to the water and ended up having a blast. I don’t think we would have reached that point if I had pushed him instead of letting him be himself with needing time to warm up to the new environment.

There’s nothing wrong with a toddler who has a shy temperament. It’s just part of who they are as a person.

Previous Experiences

Toddlers can also learn shyness from their environment or experiences. They may have had a negative experience in the past when they were around someone or someplace unfamiliar. Examples: being separated from a parent in a store, other kids pushing them or taking their toys, or other people laughing at something they did.

Additionally, if a parent or caregiver is shy, the toddler can learn to act shy by the parent’s example. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing if you are shy or need time to warm up to situations.

I myself am an introvert and am slow to warm up to new people. I recognize this about myself, so I know I need to set an example for my kids of how to be more confident in interacting with new people and places.

How To Help Your Very Shy Toddler

I want to remind you that shyness in toddlers isn’t a bad thing and is common. Even so, there are things that you can do to help them gain confidence and become more comfortable around new people.

1. Give Them Time

Sometimes, a very shy toddler just needs time to warm up to something new. As mentioned above, my son stood at the edge of a splash pad for about 30 minutes before he wanted to try joining in. Hopefully, you won’t need half an hour for your toddler to warm up, but try giving them time to interact with unfamiliar people or places.

If you’re taking them somewhere unfamiliar, stand back and observe with them. Talk to them about what you see and what other people are doing. Try to help them feel comfortable before they engage with the new environment.

When you’re around someone new or unfamiliar, encourage the other person to play near your toddler without engaging just yet. Play with your child and talk about what the other person is doing or playing with for a while.

2. Stay With Them And Gradually Move Away

This idea is kind of step two of the first idea above. Stay with your toddler while they’re adjusting to something new, whether it’s a person or a place. You are their comfort zone, and they usually need you nearby when you’re around anything unfamiliar.

As your very shy toddler is warming up to something new, you can gradually move away from them. They will begin to see that they’re okay playing without you next to them. This helps build their confidence.

Here are a few examples of what this may look like:

• Play with them on the floor while they warm up to a new person. Once they are interacting, try moving away a few feet. If that is successful, then try moving to the couch.
• Join in on the playground at the park while they are learning about the new environment. After they have warmed up, try moving to the closest bench or a blanket on the ground that is close to your toddler.

Gradually moving away may not occur with the first interaction. It may take a couple of times being around someone new or in an unfamiliar environment before your toddler is comfortable enough for you to move away from them.

3. Validate Their Feelings

Toddlers are still learning to identify their emotions and how to handle them. They need to know that it’s okay to feel nervous or scared with new social interactions.

Validate your very shy toddler’s feelings by saying, “Jackson, this is a new store. Does it make your tummy or chest feel funny when the lady you didn’t know talked to you? That made you nervous. It’s okay to be nervous.”

Never make your child feel guilty for not wanting to engage with other kids, unfamiliar people, or new environments. When you validate their feelings of nervousness or needing to warm up, you help them learn how to work through those feelings. This will help learn how to become comfortable and engage in new social interactions faster in the future.

4. Model Social Interactions

Your toddler learns by watching what you do. I can’t count how many times my son did something that I never taught him to do, and realized he learned to do it by watching me. The same goes for social interactions.

Let your very shy toddler see you interact with unfamiliar people when out in public. Talk with another parent about a toy when you’re in the toy aisle, mention something you also like in another customer’s cart while in like, or talk with the cashier when you’re checking out. Also take the time to tell your toddler about the interaction.

• Example: In the toy aisle, comment to another parent about how cool the Paw Patrol car is that they’re looking at and tell them you also love Paw Patrol. After walking away, tell your toddler, “I didn’t know that mom, but I talked to her about Paw Patrol and I was okay.”

5. Practice At Home

Use a puppet or a favorite stuffed animal to make a game of practicing social interactions at home. Have fun and be silly with this. Below are a few ideas of how to do this.

• You can model how to interact with the stuffed animal. You might hold the stuffie in front of you and say, “Hi Fluffy, my name is Mom.” Then ask your child if they want to tell their name to Fluffly too. As they get more comfortable, then increase the interaction with telling Fluffy about your favorite color and asking what Fluffy’s favorite color is. Continue taking turns with your toddler so they learn how to interact and get a chance to practice.
• Make a game of talking to Fluffy if your toddler doesn’t need you to model the interactions. You can hide behind the couch and hold Fluffy up. Pretend to be Fluffy and talk to your child about their favorite show or what they want to eat for breakfast. Encourage your toddler to ask Fluffy questions too.

6. Begin The Interaction For Them

Start the interaction for your very shy toddler when you think they’re ready to engage with people. I always ask my son first if he wants to talk to or play with the other kids. Be sure they’re okay with it, and you aren’t pushing them to do this when they aren’t ready.

Let’s say you are at the park with your toddler, and you have been standing back with them while you two watch the other kids play. You ask your toddler if they want to try to play with the other kids. It’s great if they say “yes,” and it’s also okay if they say “no.” You can offer to go with them. They are probably more willing to try to play if you are there too.

You and your toddler walk up to the playground where the other kids are playing on the slides. You can start the interaction by asking the other kids, “It looks like you guys are having fun. This is Jackson. Can he play with you guys?”

I’ve done this many times with my son, and we’ve never had a kid say no. They’re usually excited to have more kids to play with. Jackson and I then play on the playground, following the other kids up the stairs and down the slide. I continue to talk to him about what the kids are doing and model talking to the kids, saying, “Wow, you’re fast.” Over time, Jackson became more comfortable, and I was able to sit on a bench and watch him continue to play.

7. Rethink How You Plan Play Dates

You love getting together with a group of friends and their kids. Or you have big family gatherings with lots of cousins. These are important events, and I’m not saying that you should stop going. But, you should also plan play dates based on what your very shy toddler needs.

8. Tell Them What To Expect

Think ahead for times when you and your toddler will interact with other people. Then tell them what to expect before the interaction. Help them understand both what they and other people might say or do.

You don’t need to tell them about every little interaction they might have while you’re in the car. They won’t remember everything, and it might sound overwhelming. Instead, prepare them right before interactions you know are likely to occur.

Example: While on the way to the store, tell your toddler you are going to buy some food at the store. There will be other people there too. Some of them might say “Hi” or “You are so cute.” You can say “Hi” back if you want.

………… You’ve done your shopping and you’re ready to go check out. Tell your toddler, “We are going to buy our food now. Another person is going to help us buy the food. She might say hi or ask you a question. It’s up to you if you want to say hi or talk to her. If you don’t want to say hi, you could try just looking at her when she talks to you.”

9. Celebrate Progress

Give your very shy toddler positive praise for any progress they are making with social interactions or engaging in unfamiliar environments. Maybe they aren’t ready to talk to the cashier at the store, but they did make eye contact. Celebrate them after leaving and tell them they did a great job looking at the person that was talking.

Maybe you still needed to start the interaction with other kids at the park. You can still celebrate with them that they played with the other kids.

Praise all progress they make, no matter how small. This helps build their confidence and self-esteem. Don’t focus on what they haven’t done. And don’t worry too much about how long it’s taking them to warm up, as long as you are slowly seeing some progress.

When To Seek Professional Help

Having a very shy toddler is common and usually isn’t a problem. However; there are times that it may be beneficial to talk to a medical professional to rule anything else out or to help your child make more progress in their ability to interact socially.

It would be good to talk to a doctor or child developmental psychologist if you feel that you can’t go anywhere because your child is too shy.

Another sign to seek help is if you’re not seeing any progress at all and it’s difficult to help your child grow out of their shy behavior.

Lastly, you may have to speak with a doctor if you’re also seeing signs of anxiety in your child. It’s possible for kids to develop anxiety due to their shyness.